Moving On To something New!

Just a few days prior to completing 2 years on the blogosphere and having rambled to an extent that no one listened, I felt the need to elevate and with everything changing in life I thought so should my space. So though I will ramble here occasionally I got myself a new space on Tumblr. Anyone reading? Follow my posts on http://undergoingmetamorphosis.tumblr.com/. 

Oh and this delayed post is due to in numerous complications that come with the "Bi- Annual Internship break". Sigh.

If I ever tried explaining to my parents

Chris McCandless said “In reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future”, the depth and complexity of this simple truth astonishes me today to an extent that I question every single decision I have made for my future until now. People around me often discuss what they want from life and what they want to give back to life with such confidence, it startles me.

I am walking on a road clueless about my destination. I climb onto a train of emotions and experiences. Thankful to have no indication of what lies ahead. What makes life’s experience meaningful for me is discovering each day that every truth from childhood and every single fact taught to me is a lie. That life is more complicated than how it was shown to me and more fundamental than how you see it.

Everyone is running in race for survival. But losing somewhere in that race the reason for existence. I am philosophical. I like it that way. I am not going to be running behind a career and creating a niche for me. I want to soar higher and see it all. I am not ready to settle down. I may never be. I know you’d rather see me have a well-set career and a seven-digit pay cheque, but I see myself exploring. Seeing what has never been seen and being somewhere no one has ever been is all I see myself doing. I am not one to conform. I’d rather make my own rules. I am not one to find the right guy and marry him. (I know that’s the last thing you want me to do either) I don’t want a family to answer to. I am not responsible enough for anyone else, I may never be.

I want to be lost and wander. I want to know why men want to win a war that they never had to fight to begin with. I want to be away from all this insanity. And be somewhere I can hear the winds whisper to me the tales of the lands separated by time. I don’t want the obligation to interact with humans. I don’t want to be part of the cacophony that civilization today lives amidst. I have no regard for the false materialistic belongings. I’d rather spend hours lying down in a field soaking within me the essence of reality in its wholesome form.

It is puzzling for you to know when exactly did life become so poetic for your little girl? Well it was somewhere around that time when I was being torn apart by realism and fantasy.

I hope you understand now that I am not going to be shut inside a cocoon leading a well-designed life; I hope you know why my Utopian nature suits my ever-impenetrable mind. And I hope you know that one fine day when the sun rises slowly over the horizon and the weather is just correct, when the winds blow swiftly brushing away all the prudence I am going to set out on a journey and walk INTO THE WILD…

Pleonasm.

How meaningless I have felt in the past few days without writing. I was daubed with sloth and impassiveness and couldn’t do much about it. True Story.Days seem to have suddenly become longer and yet there is little time to do a lot. Money seems to fly away through my ever-shut windows leaving me claustrophobic and wimpy. The ever obtuse and unchallenging masses around me have vexed me to an extent that in my mind I have killed them innumerable times. The long idle hours have brought to fruition the core quality of humans-selfishness to light and the reality of every single living thing- sorrow. These constants are unaffected by all the other variables Life is math. An algebraic problem that very few can solve or to begin with realize that they got to solve.The constant happiness that people seek is in the direction that most of them never look. What we seek and what we run behind are 2 different things.What I seek is a mystery but unlike many others I have begun looking. I am now in Search of that one thing to devastate my pointless current state.Shut in a chamber merely lit by just the ray of hope that the door will open into a world of answers.

And that shall set my soul and mind free to create something to affect an entire generation of thinking and doing.To say more than necessary,to see more than what is shown, to feel more than what exists. 

*tuned into* everybody hurts.- R.E.M

Where Art thou?

Steve Jobs said in his Stanford speech that you have to trust in something; your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Motivational? Sure.
But then what if life comes to a point where you have no idea what you believe and can believe in? What If everything you ever did and everything you ever planned to do stands in court of judgement by you and everyone around you?

What if your life suddenly becomes an example that people give when they want to talk about failures and misjudgements?

What if that one person you thought would stay, leaves you at the crossroad from where the road is too dark to walk alone? And What if life gives you no help in figuring out the way you ought to walk on?

What if all the answers become open ended questions. What if every issue you ever fought against becomes the reality of your life. What if solutions are bigger than the problems? What if then you’re too weak to stand up for anyone you truly love because you don’t think you can help yourself out to begin with?

What if this happens more than once in your life? Where do you look, what do you hear, who do you ask?

Where art thou guarding angel? Come back! Come back and get the answers. Come back with the solution. You can be anyone? You can be anything? If you are have the answers, if you help me find a way, if you show me the light, you then are my guarding angel.

So where art thou?

And then after all that while....!!

I want to fly, fly until I touch the sky.

Fly to countries across the oceans, soar over pastures and lands.

I want to bear the scorching desert heat and wing my way through the clouds.

I want to touch the flowing waters and then stand on the cold mountain atop.

I wish I procure the answers to the questions of life.

And know where happiness truly lies.

On my quest this arduous I wish I could fly.

And soar up high so that every difficulty seems all right.

For now wherever I look I see a mound of unanswered questions.

Ah! Only if I find my light.

If could glide and maneuver and do all the above

I might find one answer to answer it all.

Then years from now when I have lived this dream

I pray I can come back to you my cherished.

Share my stories I have gathered through time.

And hear you talk about the adventures of your life.

Then like others we shall find our “normal” bay.

And maybe then you will not complain.

But until then sweet love of mine,

Will you promise to love me all that while?

Will you come back perfectly dressed in white?

And kiss me with those lips so kind.

Baby you complete me like no one else can.

And when you’re back from the journey that wild

Let me be the one who calms your mind.

I shall wait for the day when you walk down the aisle

And ask me to be yours for the rest of your life.

P.S i am not sure if i can call this a poetry . but yeah its definitely something new i have tried.

*Tuned into*  Can you feel the Love Tonight 

An open Letter to a typical Ex !!

Dear Typical EX,

You stood there with a straight face. Like I deserved it. I begged and pleaded. I said, we could make it work. You said nothing. I tried; I tried really hard to understand your inarticulateness. I had never been on this side. You confused me. You thought you knew what you are doing. You disregarded my plea and asked me to leave.

I had so much to tell you, but you ignored it all. I asked you for time. You said I couldn’t do anything and walked away. I sat there thinking what I could do to get you back. I contrived and improvised. I needed you back. I thought for months.

Then one day I wore a pretty dress, I said the nicest things, I behaved my best, and you ignored. I crossed your path over and over again. But you ignored still. Ignored until I felt drained. I came back exhausted. Sat down wondering what had I done wrong. I had been honest. I gave you myriad openings and opportunities to grab. I had been sensitive and understanding. I had been forgiving and compassionate. I listened and advised. I had loved you with all my heart. Then what had it been?

And just when I thought I am going to cry like always, my heart said a firm No!

I knew for sure after innumerous months of trying and weeping that you weren’t worth it.what did I ever even like about you? You were just a simple little guy in love with the absolutely crazy me. Had I not known we don’t connect? Of course I had but there you sat with those puppy eyes luring me towards you. How did I forget that it was you who started it first? Why again was I so desperate to get you back? I wouldn’t have even noticed you exist had you not made it a point to strike a conversation with me at the drop of a hat.

I was now ready to let you go now. Just like that.

Yes I know you’re coming back now. You cant live without me and you love me. But yeah Bugger Off man. This cant go on forever. I am no option. I didn’t “NEED” you, I really really loved you. But now it’s too late and now there are going to be no discussions and no fights over whose fault it was. I am not going be standing where I did until recently. I have crossed the fence and moved away. It’s over. And you have to deal with it!

I can write so much now. Tell you how much you make me think and ponder. How much you need to change about yourself. But yeah I am going to stop. Because once upon a time you were the hero of my story.

Once yours,

No more yours!

P.s This was something I had written a long time back. When you think you are “in love” you assume you cant live without that person and you try everything to get him/her back. You blame yourself for mistakes you never even committed.But there always comes a point when everyone moves on.  It hurts. You feel cheated and it’s natural to dislike them for a bit.But you move on in true sense when you forgive them and never look back.
Since I can never really Hate-Hate them, Writing bitter things helps me move on. *winks*

P.p.s This my first piece from someone else's point of view. i wrote this after listening to someone speaking about her EX. 

This Too Shall Pass !!

Life is a bitch. It slaps you hard and harder each time. When you think you’ve got charge, life gives you something new to deal with. People come and go and don’t turn around to look that you can barely stand when they’ve left. They use you like a thing, deal with you according to their convenience and go away when they need “their” time. 

Love fades. Priorities change. Plans never work out. Things seem difficult more often than not. You have to constantly fight for what you want. It’s never painless.  Insignificant is what you’re generally called. Nowhere is where you belong. Happiness comes and goes. But the sorrow is what is constant.

When things in life change ,you hear depressing music. You Do nothing but Sulk. On some days you eat far more than your stomach deserves, and on other days you don’t eat at all. You do all sorts of stupid things and regret everything you've done in the past. You over think. You almost give up. You tend to be a little too hard on yourself for sometime. You do it all but- MOVE ON!

Think. How would it be to live a formulated life? A thriller never seems enthralling the second time, does it? Purpose gives you hope and purpose comes when you have something to fight for. When your existence has a meaning you stop feeling insignificant. Like Steve Jobs said you can never look ahead and join the dots but when you turn around to take a look and wonder why he left, You realize that was just because it was time for you to find something else to Love.

It hurts but Life keeps changing and nothing remains constant. And the only thing you’ve go to do is dust your skirt, tell you’re self this too shall pass and Move On…even when it “seems” impossible!

P.S  Yeah I am preachy like that! 

*Tuned into* How to Save Life  - Fray