I love them. Sometimes I go to the nearby annual fair just to observe things. To get lost in between the crowd. To look at the colorful and happy people present day. To relive my childhood. Sometimes I treat myself with some candy floss and on the other days I just walk around the huge arena aimlessly.So spend a day at the funfair and stand by the roller coaster, and notice the people get in and out. You will notice that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn’t they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?
At the moment, I’m far too lonely to think about love, but I have to believe that it will happen, that I will find the right thing to do and that I am here because I chose this fate. The roller coaster is my life; life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it’s taking chances, falling over and getting up again; its mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don’t manage it.
It isn’t easy realizing what you are doing is not what you want to, that you will never find love, that people will just come and go out of life, that you don’t have anyone to fall back on because no one knows what you want and why you do certain things, that you have to go up there all by yourself, that life is a long journey that you have just started , that a lot of people hate you, but from now on, whenever I feel depressed, I will remember the funfair.
If I had fallen asleep and suddenly woken up on a roller coaster, what would I feel? Well, I would feel trapped and sick, terrified and every bend, wanting to get off. However, if I believe that the track is my destiny and that someone else (maybe god) is in charge of the machine, and then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, I must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement.
-an extract from eleven minutes modified to explain what I feel.
*tuned into* one last breathe - creed
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