Where Art thou?

Steve Jobs said in his Stanford speech that you have to trust in something; your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Motivational? Sure.
But then what if life comes to a point where you have no idea what you believe and can believe in? What If everything you ever did and everything you ever planned to do stands in court of judgement by you and everyone around you?

What if your life suddenly becomes an example that people give when they want to talk about failures and misjudgements?

What if that one person you thought would stay, leaves you at the crossroad from where the road is too dark to walk alone? And What if life gives you no help in figuring out the way you ought to walk on?

What if all the answers become open ended questions. What if every issue you ever fought against becomes the reality of your life. What if solutions are bigger than the problems? What if then you’re too weak to stand up for anyone you truly love because you don’t think you can help yourself out to begin with?

What if this happens more than once in your life? Where do you look, what do you hear, who do you ask?

Where art thou guarding angel? Come back! Come back and get the answers. Come back with the solution. You can be anyone? You can be anything? If you are have the answers, if you help me find a way, if you show me the light, you then are my guarding angel.

So where art thou?

And then after all that while....!!

I want to fly, fly until I touch the sky.

Fly to countries across the oceans, soar over pastures and lands.

I want to bear the scorching desert heat and wing my way through the clouds.

I want to touch the flowing waters and then stand on the cold mountain atop.

I wish I procure the answers to the questions of life.

And know where happiness truly lies.

On my quest this arduous I wish I could fly.

And soar up high so that every difficulty seems all right.

For now wherever I look I see a mound of unanswered questions.

Ah! Only if I find my light.

If could glide and maneuver and do all the above

I might find one answer to answer it all.

Then years from now when I have lived this dream

I pray I can come back to you my cherished.

Share my stories I have gathered through time.

And hear you talk about the adventures of your life.

Then like others we shall find our “normal” bay.

And maybe then you will not complain.

But until then sweet love of mine,

Will you promise to love me all that while?

Will you come back perfectly dressed in white?

And kiss me with those lips so kind.

Baby you complete me like no one else can.

And when you’re back from the journey that wild

Let me be the one who calms your mind.

I shall wait for the day when you walk down the aisle

And ask me to be yours for the rest of your life.

P.S i am not sure if i can call this a poetry . but yeah its definitely something new i have tried.

*Tuned into*  Can you feel the Love Tonight 

An open Letter to a typical Ex !!

Dear Typical EX,

You stood there with a straight face. Like I deserved it. I begged and pleaded. I said, we could make it work. You said nothing. I tried; I tried really hard to understand your inarticulateness. I had never been on this side. You confused me. You thought you knew what you are doing. You disregarded my plea and asked me to leave.

I had so much to tell you, but you ignored it all. I asked you for time. You said I couldn’t do anything and walked away. I sat there thinking what I could do to get you back. I contrived and improvised. I needed you back. I thought for months.

Then one day I wore a pretty dress, I said the nicest things, I behaved my best, and you ignored. I crossed your path over and over again. But you ignored still. Ignored until I felt drained. I came back exhausted. Sat down wondering what had I done wrong. I had been honest. I gave you myriad openings and opportunities to grab. I had been sensitive and understanding. I had been forgiving and compassionate. I listened and advised. I had loved you with all my heart. Then what had it been?

And just when I thought I am going to cry like always, my heart said a firm No!

I knew for sure after innumerous months of trying and weeping that you weren’t worth it.what did I ever even like about you? You were just a simple little guy in love with the absolutely crazy me. Had I not known we don’t connect? Of course I had but there you sat with those puppy eyes luring me towards you. How did I forget that it was you who started it first? Why again was I so desperate to get you back? I wouldn’t have even noticed you exist had you not made it a point to strike a conversation with me at the drop of a hat.

I was now ready to let you go now. Just like that.

Yes I know you’re coming back now. You cant live without me and you love me. But yeah Bugger Off man. This cant go on forever. I am no option. I didn’t “NEED” you, I really really loved you. But now it’s too late and now there are going to be no discussions and no fights over whose fault it was. I am not going be standing where I did until recently. I have crossed the fence and moved away. It’s over. And you have to deal with it!

I can write so much now. Tell you how much you make me think and ponder. How much you need to change about yourself. But yeah I am going to stop. Because once upon a time you were the hero of my story.

Once yours,

No more yours!

P.s This was something I had written a long time back. When you think you are “in love” you assume you cant live without that person and you try everything to get him/her back. You blame yourself for mistakes you never even committed.But there always comes a point when everyone moves on.  It hurts. You feel cheated and it’s natural to dislike them for a bit.But you move on in true sense when you forgive them and never look back.
Since I can never really Hate-Hate them, Writing bitter things helps me move on. *winks*

P.p.s This my first piece from someone else's point of view. i wrote this after listening to someone speaking about her EX. 

This Too Shall Pass !!

Life is a bitch. It slaps you hard and harder each time. When you think you’ve got charge, life gives you something new to deal with. People come and go and don’t turn around to look that you can barely stand when they’ve left. They use you like a thing, deal with you according to their convenience and go away when they need “their” time. 

Love fades. Priorities change. Plans never work out. Things seem difficult more often than not. You have to constantly fight for what you want. It’s never painless.  Insignificant is what you’re generally called. Nowhere is where you belong. Happiness comes and goes. But the sorrow is what is constant.

When things in life change ,you hear depressing music. You Do nothing but Sulk. On some days you eat far more than your stomach deserves, and on other days you don’t eat at all. You do all sorts of stupid things and regret everything you've done in the past. You over think. You almost give up. You tend to be a little too hard on yourself for sometime. You do it all but- MOVE ON!

Think. How would it be to live a formulated life? A thriller never seems enthralling the second time, does it? Purpose gives you hope and purpose comes when you have something to fight for. When your existence has a meaning you stop feeling insignificant. Like Steve Jobs said you can never look ahead and join the dots but when you turn around to take a look and wonder why he left, You realize that was just because it was time for you to find something else to Love.

It hurts but Life keeps changing and nothing remains constant. And the only thing you’ve go to do is dust your skirt, tell you’re self this too shall pass and Move On…even when it “seems” impossible!

P.S  Yeah I am preachy like that! 

*Tuned into* How to Save Life  - Fray

Jee Chaahe Panchi Ho Jaavaan !!

Jee chaahe panchi ho jaavaan Uhdda jaavaan, gaaonda jaavaan An-chuh sikharaan nu choo paavaan Is duniya diyaan raahvaan bhul ke Fer kade na vaapas aavaan. Ja ashnaan karaan vich zam-zam La deekaan peeyaan Daan da paani. Maan-sarovar de beh kande tuta jeia ik geet maen gaavaan. Ja baethaan vich khiriyaan rohiyaan Phakaan pauna itar sajoeeyaan. Him-teesiyaan moeeyaan moeeyaan Yugaan yugaan ton kakar hoeeyaan Ghut kaleje maen garmaavaan. Jee chaahe panchi ho jaavaan Hoe aalhna vich shatootaan Jaan vich jand, kareer, sarootaan, Aaon pure de seet faraate, Lachkaare eyun laen daaliyaan Jyun koi Doli khede jariyaan. Ik din aesa jhakhar jhule UD pud jaavan sabhe teele, Be-ghar be-dar maen ho jaavaan. Saari umar piyaan ras gham da, Aese nashe vich jind handhaavaan Jee chaahe panchi ho jaavaan.

The writer of this song, Shiv Kumar Batalvi has written some really beautiful poetries. His styles of writing-his poetries are extremely relatable and honest.  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiv_Kumar_Batalvi

I cant stop listening to this song and humming it. It talks on behalf of my thoughts in the most precise way. 

*tuned into* Pachi Hojava

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget!

You kiss me on my forehead and look down at me with teary eyes. You say you love me and tell me to be okay. You ask me for a million promises and enquire for the zillionth time if I understand. I feel the pain you’re going through when you hold me tight one last time. You walk away leaving me there.
I stare over the horizon and back to the spot where you stood seconds back telling me how much you love me and how much you regret this. The night grows darker and I find myself standing at the end of the tunnel with no light to show me a direction. My legs tremble and I feel the ground below me dissolving and the waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now rearing high up washing over my head, pulling me under. I want to run, run until my lungs burst. But my body doesn’t seem to move fast enough. I want to call out to you, but my voice is lost amidst that entire quandary. 
You’re gone. Leaving me with a year off memories and your love that will stay with me forever.Sleepless and nights of nightmares I live now. I realize with days passing by and you’re constant presence in my memories and thoughts, the pain isn’t weakened; rather I am growing strong enough to bear it.

As I struggle not to think about you I don’t struggle to forget. I wonder late at night, when exhaustion of sleep deprivation break down my defenses that one day when I will no more see you pass by me and I am no more there to sense the agony in your eyes as you try hard to not look at me, then that someday I will not be able to remember the precise feel of your skin, you’re coldness or the texture of your voice.  The thought makes me uneasy as I note it down right now.

I shouldn’t then think about you, but I need to remember all that because there is just one think I need to be able to survive- I have to know that you existed. Everything else I could endure. You’re absence will pierce my heart like a permanent dagger within my chest. But reminiscence will be the reason to survive and pull through.  Though I wonder how long this distress will last for. Maybe someday, years from now, if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it, I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as you’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way. Even though death is unquestionably an option of relief, I wouldn’t consider it now because I am responsible for people who care and need me. I have made you a promise that I would take care of myself and for all these reasons I am still breathing. 
My own life means little to me today. I cannot resurface. Not yet at least.

However Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but it does.  It is a hard line to walk but I know I have to let you go. Set you free. The affliction and suffering is a pay back for all the love you brought into my life. For the colors you gave my existence. For the meaning and direction you have given my dreams.

As I sit in this faintly lit room feeling subdued and hollow I wish that for every tear that I drop a smile crosses your face.

P.s I am trying to take inspirations from stories and write my own versions for them. And for some odd and not-so-odd reason my first inspiration was New Moon. Though I am not a huge fan of the series I can best relate to it right now. 
Just trying my hand on something new. 

*tuned into* jiyein kyun