Steve Jobs said in his Stanford speech that you have to trust in
something; your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Motivational? Sure. But
then what if life comes to a point where you have no idea what you believe and can
believe in? What If everything you ever did and everything you ever planned to
do stands in court of judgement by you and everyone around you?
What if your life suddenly becomes an example that people give when they
want to talk about failures and misjudgements?
What if that one person you thought would stay, leaves you at the
crossroad from where the road is too dark to walk alone? And What if life gives
you no help in figuring out the way you ought to walk on?
What if all the answers become open ended questions. What if every issue
you ever fought against becomes the reality of your life. What if solutions are
bigger than the problems? What if then you’re too weak to stand up for anyone
you truly love because you don’t think you can help yourself out to begin with?
What if this happens more than once in your life? Where
do you look, what do you hear, who do you ask?
Where art thou guarding angel? Come back! Come back and get the answers.
Come back with the solution. You can be anyone? You can be anything? If you are
have the answers, if you help me find a way, if you show me the light, you then
are my guarding angel.
You stood there with a straight face. Like I deserved it. I begged and
pleaded. I said, we could make it work. You said nothing. I tried; I tried
really hard to understand your inarticulateness. I had never been on this side.
You confused me. You thought you knew what you are doing. You disregarded my
plea and asked me to leave.
I had so much to tell you, but you ignored it all. I asked you for
time. You said I couldn’t do anything and walked away. I sat there thinking
what I could do to get you back. I contrived and improvised. I needed you back.
I thought for months.
Then one day I wore a pretty dress, I said the nicest things, I
behaved my best, and you ignored. I crossed your path over and over again. But
you ignored still. Ignored until I felt drained. I came back exhausted. Sat
down wondering what had I done wrong. I had been honest. I gave you myriad
openings and opportunities to grab. I had been sensitive and understanding. I
had been forgiving and compassionate. I listened and advised. I had loved you
with all my heart. Then what had it been?
And just when I thought I am going to cry like always, my heart said a
I knew for sure after innumerous months of trying and weeping that you
weren’t worth it.what did I ever even like about you? You were just a simple
little guy in love with the absolutely crazy me. Had I not known we don’t
connect? Of course I had but there you sat with those puppy eyes luring me
towards you. How did I forget that it was you who started it first? Why again
was I so desperate to get you back? I wouldn’t have even noticed you exist had
you not made it a point to strike a conversation with me at the drop of a hat.
I was now ready to let you go now. Just like that.
Yes I know you’re coming back now. You cant live without me and you
love me. But yeah Bugger Off man. This cant go on forever. I am no option. I
didn’t “NEED” you, I really really loved you. But now it’s too late and now
there are going to be no discussions and no fights over whose fault it was. I
am not going be standing where I did until recently. I have crossed the fence
and moved away. It’s over. And you have to deal with it!
I can write so much now. Tell you how much you make me think and
ponder. How much you need to change about yourself. But yeah I am going to
stop. Because once upon a time you were the hero of my story.
No more yours!
P.s This was something I had written a long time back. When you think
you are “in love” you assume you cant live without that person and you try
everything to get him/her back. You blame yourself for mistakes you never even
committed.But there always comes a point when everyone moves on. It hurts. You feel cheated and it’s natural to dislike
them for a bit.But you move on in true sense when you forgive them and never look
back. Since I can never really Hate-Hate them, Writing bitter things helps me
move on. *winks*
P.p.s This my first piece from someone else's point of view. i wrote this after listening to someone speaking about her EX.
Life is a bitch. It slaps you hard and harder each
time. When you think you’ve got charge, life gives you something new to deal
with. People come and go and don’t turn around to look that you can barely
stand when they’ve left. They use you like a thing, deal with you according to
their convenience and go away when they need “their” time.
Love fades. Priorities change. Plans never work
out. Things seem difficult more often than not. You have to constantly fight
for what you want. It’s never painless. Insignificant is what you’re
generally called. Nowhere is where you belong. Happiness comes and goes. But
the sorrow is what is constant.
When things in life change ,you hear depressing music. You Do nothing but Sulk.
On some days you eat far more than your stomach deserves, and on other days you
don’t eat at all. You do all sorts of stupid things and regret everything you've
done in the past. You over think. You almost give up. You tend to be a little
too hard on yourself for sometime. You do it all but- MOVE ON!
Think. How would it be to live a formulated life? A
thriller never seems enthralling the second time, does it? Purpose gives you
hope and purpose comes when you have something to fight for. When your
existence has a meaning you stop feeling insignificant. Like Steve Jobs said
you can never look ahead and join the dots but when you turn around to take a
look and wonder why he left, You realize that was just because it was time for
you to find something else to Love.
It hurts but Life keeps changing and nothing
remains constant. And the only thing you’ve go to do is dust your skirt, tell you’re
self this too shall pass and Move On…even when it “seems” impossible!
You kiss me on my forehead and look down at me
with teary eyes. You say you love me and tell me to be okay. You ask me for a
million promises and enquire for the zillionth time if I understand. I feel the
pain you’re going through when you hold me tight one last time. You walk away
leaving me there. I stare over the horizon and back to the spot where you
stood seconds back telling me how much you love me and how much you regret
this. The night grows darker and I find myself standing at the end of the tunnel
with no light to show me a direction. My legs tremble and I feel the ground
below me dissolving and the waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now
rearing high up washing over my head, pulling me under. I want to run, run
until my lungs burst. But my body doesn’t seem to move fast enough. I want to
call out to you, but my voice is lost amidst that entire quandary. You’re gone.
Leaving me with a year off memories and your love that will stay with me
forever.Sleepless and nights of nightmares I live now. I
realize with days passing by and you’re constant presence in my memories and
thoughts, the pain isn’t weakened; rather I am growing strong enough to bear
As I struggle not to think about you I don’t struggle
to forget. I wonder late at night, when exhaustion of sleep deprivation break
down my defenses that one day when I will no more see you pass by me and I am
no more there to sense the agony in your eyes as you try hard to not look at
me, then that someday I will not be able to remember the precise feel of your
skin, you’re coldness or the texture of your voice. The thought makes me
uneasy as I note it down right now.
I shouldn’t then think about you, but I need to
remember all that because there is just one think I need to be able to survive-
I have to know that you existed. Everything else I could endure. You’re absence
will pierce my heart like a permanent dagger within my chest. But reminiscence
will be the reason to survive and pull through. Though I wonder how long
this distress will last for. Maybe someday, years from now, if the pain would
just decrease to the point where I could bear it, I would be able to look back
on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it
were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I
was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as you’d given me. More
than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it
that way. Even though death is unquestionably an option of relief, I wouldn’t
consider it now because I am responsible for people who care and need me. I have
made you a promise that I would take care of myself and for all these reasons I
am still breathing. My own life means little to me today. I cannot resurface.
Not yet at least.
However Time passes. Even when it seems
impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of
blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging
lulls, but it does. It is a hard line to walk but I know I have to let you go. Set you free. The affliction and suffering is a pay back for all the love you brought into my life. For the colors you gave my existence. For the meaning and direction you have given my dreams.
As I sit in this faintly lit room feeling subdued
and hollow I wish that for every tear that I drop a smile crosses your face.
P.s I am trying to take inspirations from stories
and write my own versions for them. And for some odd and not-so-odd reason my first
inspiration was New Moon. Though I am not a huge fan of the series I can best relate to it
right now. Just trying my hand on something new.