Monday, January 30, 2012

Last Dinner!

She hogged on her Thali like the world would end the minute she paused or stopped. There was so much to devour .The room was well lit and he sat across the table looking at her amused as she ordered for more basundi. He had been begging her to come with him to this particular restaurant from forever. And she had tried really hard to keep him away. She loathed this cuisine. But this was amazing food. She felt untroubled and radiant inside and thought to herself that today was the best food she had eaten in her life. She chocked a little and complained about the amount she had eaten. He grinned further. Everything felt perfect and flawless.
The waiter asked them if they needed anything else and he looked at her teasingly. She laughed and said no…and with this ended their ‘Last Dinner’!!!!

She had forgotten all about the day. Their fight. The Truth. But as he paid the bill, reality hit like a lightning bolt. They were over!!!

Her world was just about to change. Her happiness was going to have to find a new definition.
It had been a long day. She wished now she had slept over it than have met him. They wouldn’t fight and there wouldn’t be a reason to start the ball rolling. There wouldn’t have been the discussion and he wouldn’t have decided to leave.
She had told him she would understand. But how could she? How could she possibly live without him? Live without talking to him? They had been together for too long. They had shared a little too much. He had given her too much for her to forget and move on!
There would be no arguments over difference in opinions. There would be no smiles of agreement. There would be no one to share dreams with. There would be no one to try new food joints with. There would be no one to complete her sentences. There would be no one hence to know what she wants without telling.

As he left her home and hugged her one last time, she wished she dint have to leave him. Did he have to go right now? It was never meant to stay. But what if it did? What if they gave it another chance? What if it worked? What if they fought for it? Should she talk to him? Where were the answers? Why was it so difficult?
She turned around to find the answers and she knew she had to talk to him and stop him.

But she couldn’t! She didn’t.
She just looked at him one last time and turned her face as a tear rolled down her cheek and she shut her eyes wishing that he got everything he deserves and much more. And she wished that when he did, he'd come back to her and love her like no one ever did and no one ever could apart from him.

*tuned into* heartbreak warfare.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Placidity !!

“Calm the winds of your thoughts, and there will be no waves on the ocean of your mind.”

Surrounded by clouds of grey, as tranquility pierced darkness, as she dipped into the ocean of serenity and she sat there amongst many, Not having much to say, she just observed everyone go delirious.
Haltingly she inhaled the herb. Loud noises and slow music filled her ears. It was just a few of them, then why was it so loud? Why on earth was everyone yelling? She wanted to tell them to shut up. They would wake the neighbors at this atypical hour.  But her mouth was dry. She couldn’t do much right now. She instead decided to shut her eyes and enjoy every bit of what was happening to her now. The paper burnt smoothly. Every drag bought with it a new color ; a new feeling.
The first time she had let it into her, she didn’t know what was happening to her. She wanted to snap out then, unable to figure out where she had travelled. It had freaked her out. She thought she was in a dream. A dream that was going to last for so long that she would forget to wake up. 
And today she wished she never woke up after all. And now suddenly it was the best feeling ever. A trance she wanted to live in.Her legs were dead, her body was numb and she was floating. Like a bird in the sky. She flew and flew, over seas of emotions, rivers of happiness and roads of regrets. She had seen it all, she had thought. But from where she stood now, she had so much left to walk.
Her eyes lay shut for some more time and the breeze from the window made her feet cold. Nevertheless her hypnotized mind ignored everything corporeal. It was just she and her thoughts.  So mystical.  She wandered through the land of esoteric and the ocean of understanding that was still like never before.Waves didn’t interrupt its course tonight. She dragged Puff after puff of that white widow kind into her body. Eirene had come visiting her tonight. She belonged somewhere else she knew. As she lay there thinking, she wrote stories in her head. She composed tunes and she re read her life. More alert than ever she jumped at every possible odd sound. But she let her eyes be shut.
It was gravity acting against her. 

And slowly she was pulled into a deep sleep. Only to get up the next morning unable to remember how she fell asleep in the first place. 

*tuned into* who says - john mayer

Friday, January 13, 2012

And the world was hers for the reading...!

Hey all,

Evidently I am pretty chirpy today (refer to “hey all”) as oppose to the last few fretful days. I am yet again late for college and surprisingly not because of the customary “I need sleep” excuse. I have just been reading since 9 30 when I was ideally supposed to be running towards a rickshaw to reach college.

If you were to ever ask me what’s the easiest way to make me like you or make me happy? I would say Talk to me about how awesome reading is, or mention a book I love, or quote from some really great book, or buy me a book I haven’t read and I will be all over you for sometime. Yes I am that easy. Books make me fall in love. 
Give me a couch and a good book and you wont have me talking to you for hours. Gift me a "good" book and I am going to praise your taste for the rest of my life even if you really do have a bad taste about things generally and you just randomly liked the cover of the book when you bought it for me (I have done this before).
Because Fundamentally I am quite a bibliophile and despise how I got little time to read in my first semester. However my stay at Mumbai gave me enough time to go back to reading. And now I can’t sleep without reading again.

I can download any book I want in a matter of minutes on my phone, but for me nothing can substitute the happiness, the smell of a new book or the feel of an old book can give. Hence despite having a really expensive phone on which I can read, I spent the entire morning making a list of books (which exceeds the mark of 50) I want to read in the next semester and ordered my first 3 books from flipcart.

Soooo joyous is the wait for the books to arrive that I hardly remember why I sulked all these days. I was so engrossed I didn't realize i had eleven miscalls. I am so ardent I can hardly feel the cold. Ahhhh, I love how dreamy I feel right now.
So though people say that life is the thing, i prefer reading.

To more reading and happier days ahead.

*Tuned into* walk of life - dire straits

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Resolution 2012!

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them”.

I felt cryptically bitter and dull when I walked into my room a lot many hours back. I knew it was one of those typical days when I was PMS-ing out of turn. So considering it was just a girl thing and it will pass, I tried to fall asleep. And just when I was about to hit my REM my warden called for me and I have been up since the last five hours. Its 4 in the morning and unlike “normal” people I am wide awake listening to depressing music and eating my third bornville bar in the last 24 hours. I have no particular reason for this sudden bout of depression.I am alone in my room and at peace. It’s a good thing right now (though I am majorly bored and I could do with some company) because I don’t have to pretend I am fine when I am not.

I had nothing to do so I did what I love doing-read. I read a few blogs here and there where people spoke about how great their new years had been, or how high their hopes fly in this new year, how they made the year special for their girlfriend etc. However more commonly people by the end of the first week have come to the clich├ęd point where they indulge in the most pointless argument- the nature of New Year resolution or their yet another attempt at giving New Year resolutions a chance.
See 3 years back I made a new years resolution to never make a new years resolution. But now since I have stopped depending on people for the push, I thought I need to do the task myself even if it’s hidden under the excuse of a “new year resolution”. So yeah I have a resolution- to sail through this without looking back. Now honestly neither do I know what I have to sail through (except for degree college…*painful*) and neither am I sure what I keep looking for every time I turn around.I had some sort of epiphany that resulted in this thought. I have absolutely lost the ability to comprehend and bother. I am finally taking it as it comes. And precisely for this to live a little longer I know I have to keep telling myself that I need to sail through this and not look back.

So here I sit, wrapped up in my quilt, giving New Year resolutions (that are more often than not disappointing) yet another chance.
And as I float around in the realm of abstruse like always, I hope all you people out there are getting some good sleep.

P.s I miss someone tonight. Someone I haven’t missed in sometime now. This post is dedicated to that someone in all obscurity.

P.p.s I have had a crazy few days since I returned back to Pune. I am looking forward to some not-so-stoned days. *Sigh*

*tuned into* Half of my heart - John Mayer