I felt cryptically bitter and dull when I walked into my room a lot many hours back. I knew it was one of those typical days when I was PMS-ing out of turn. So considering it was just a girl thing and it will pass, I tried to fall asleep. And just when I was about to hit my REM my warden called for me and I have been up since the last five hours. Its 4 in the morning and unlike “normal” people I am wide awake listening to depressing music and eating my third bornville bar in the last 24 hours. I have no particular reason for this sudden bout of depression.I am alone in my room and at peace. It’s a good thing right now (though I am majorly bored and I could do with some company) because I don’t have to pretend I am fine when I am not.
I had nothing to do so I did what I love doing-read. I read a few blogs here and there where people spoke about how great their new years had been, or how high their hopes fly in this new year, how they made the year special for their girlfriend etc. However more commonly people by the end of the first week have come to the clichéd point where they indulge in the most pointless argument- the nature of New Year resolution or their yet another attempt at giving New Year resolutions a chance.
See 3 years back I made a new years resolution to never make a new years resolution. But now since I have stopped depending on people for the push, I thought I need to do the task myself even if it’s hidden under the excuse of a “new year resolution”. So yeah I have a resolution- to sail through this without looking back. Now honestly neither do I know what I have to sail through (except for degree college…*painful*) and neither am I sure what I keep looking for every time I turn around.I had some sort of epiphany that resulted in this thought. I have absolutely lost the ability to comprehend and bother. I am finally taking it as it comes. And precisely for this to live a little longer I know I have to keep telling myself that I need to sail through this and not look back.
So here I sit, wrapped up in my quilt, giving New Year resolutions (that are more often than not disappointing) yet another chance.
And as I float around in the realm of abstruse like always, I hope all you people out there are getting some good sleep.
P.s I miss someone tonight. Someone I haven’t missed in sometime now. This post is dedicated to that someone in all obscurity.
P.p.s I have had a crazy few days since I returned back to Pune. I am looking forward to some not-so-stoned days. *Sigh*
*tuned into* Half of my heart - John Mayer