"When I get lonely now, I will think: So BE lonely, divya. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."
Loneliness is my way of living. Has always been. I like to be left alone. For hours, days, weeks. Even as a kid I enjoyed most when I played "alone". I never had particularly long lasting friends. I have never had a best friend except for my mum who has lasted. And I have always taken full responsibility for it. I do take full responsibility for it.
I am not a people’s person and I don’t even like to sit with a group of people to eat my lunch. I like to watch movies alone. I used to be an agoraphobic when my mother got me to overcome it. So basically I am a lonely person and I am more comfortable being one.
There have been very few instances when I felt "lonely" and felt bad about it. And lately I had the longest phase in which I constantly looked for support. From someone. In some way.i wanted to be taken care of. I wanted my bit of attention. More than I deserve I guess.
I Got close to people who I won’t stick on to. I made them feel like they want the same. When they don’t. They don’t want to really be with me. They want to and should be with someone who will “stay”. And I won’t and I never have “stayed”.
Its how I have grown. It has taught me and made me think. I know, I want to know and I know more because I read. When I go astray I think the universe hints me to read that one thing that puts me back on path.
I read and I learnt. I realized what I was doing. And decided to stop. I decided to be alone and be me. To stay with everyone but live alone. And I think that’s what I am supposed to do to make people around me happy.
So, when I get lonely now, I will think: So BE lonely, divya. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.(EAT PRAY LOVE)